how do I help my friend

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

Background info:

This girl moved into my neighborhood and we became bffs. But then she moved to a different state–this was 4 years ago.

Fast Forward 4 years:

I start messaging her on Facebook and I find out that she has a lot of issues–like her parents are getting divorced, she is being bullied, her friends are leaving her, and she has an eating disorder.
I really want to help her but I have no clue how! Please help!
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A Confused Friend
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Dear Sarah,
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Miss Fortune Cookie says: The best year round temperature is a warm heart and a cool head.
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I see your problem. Your friend is having a rough time, but how can you help her from a distance? You can listen to her. Be a sympathetic ear. Remind her of the things you like about her. Remind her that she’s a worthy person.
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Still, an eating disorder can be life threatening. I recommend that you involve an adult–a parent, a counselor at school, or another person that you trust.
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She is lucky to have such a loyal and caring friend.
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Miss Fortune Cookie
fortune cat
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Don’t be a bully, you jerk

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

This noob in photography won’t leave me alone. He keeps asking me dumb stuff like how to view his pictures. I keep telling him to ask the teacher, but he ignores me. How do I get rid of him?

Annoyed

WHAT MISS FORTUNE COOKIE REALLY WANTED TO WRITE, BUT DIDN’T:

Dear Annoying,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Someone is speaking well of you. Because they don’t really know you.

The hallmark of noob-behavior? Calling someone else a noob.

In other words, it takes one to know one. I’m rubber, you’re glue. Everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Miss Fortune Cookie

angry girl avatar

 

 

 

ENLIGHTENED ANSWER

Dear Annoyed,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Open your heart. You can always close it again later.

Be nice. Everyone is a noob sometime in their life.

Besides, maybe this noob knows how to view his pictures, but is looking for friendship or romance. Anything is possible.

Miss Fortune Cookie

fortune cat

Friend is a mooch

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My friend likes to go out for lunch all the time. I don’t have much money, so I order cheaply. My friend always eats way more than I do, and then she wants to split the bill. When I try to pay for my share, she says, “I hate people who make a fuss over a few dollars.” What should I do?

Mad

Dear Mad,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: The richer your friends, the more they will cost you.

Then again, John Lennon said money can’t buy you love.

Maybe they mean the same thing.

Here’s a little practical advice. Whenever you go out with your friend, tell her you’re not hungry. Don’t order anything, and see what happens.

Miss Fortune Cookie

Dad asks too many questions

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My dad is driving me crazy. Whenever I bring a boy over, he asks a ton of embarrassing questions. Can you do your own laundry? When was the last time you changed the oil in your car? What’s your gpa? How fast can you run a mile? And if he doesn’t like the answers, he says we can’t go out. What should I do to keep myself from strangling him?

Sneaking Around

Dear Sneaking Around,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: A girl with one chopstick will go hungry.

Think of you and your dad as a team. He’s looking out for you, making sure you don’t end up with a loser—a slob that will expect you to do his laundry.

Start a conversation with your dad about what to look for in a partner. And—if you don’t care about how fast your boyfriend can run—share your feelings on the matter.

Good luck!
Miss Fortune Cookie

bad news in an email? don’t do it!

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

Thank you for the advice last week! I’m sending my acceptance to Cal Tech tomorrow!!! I’m scared to tell my friend that we won’t be going to college together. Can I do it by email?

Natalie

 

Dear Natalie,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Just don’t tell her. Bad joke!

Tell your friend about your decision when the two of you have time together alone. And bring her favorite treat to sweeten the bitter news.

Miss Fortune Cookie

an urgent question!

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

I can’t imagine life without my best friend! So we applied to all the same engineering programs at major universities!!

Now I’m scared because we just had a huge fight! I really, really want to go to Cal Tech!! It’s number four in engineering!!! She wants to go to Northwestern! But it’s only number fourteen! What should I do?

Natalie

Dear Natalie,

First of all, stop using so many exclamation points!!!!!!!!

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Always choose opportunity over friendship. Also, you should consider the weather. It snows at Northwestern. Would you really deny yourself sun and warmth for a friend?

Miss Fortune Cookie