Love triangle

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie!

I’ve created a bit of a mess for myself. My best friend is a guy. I’m not. And I’m starting to wonder if best friends is enough. But then, being an idiot, I practically shoved him into the arms of his current girlfriend — a controlling wench if there ever was one. She’s not happy that he and I friends; she does everything she can to keep us apart. And he’s not happy either, but he doesn’t want to break up with her because he thinks that I think they should be together. Is that messed up or what!

My Own Worst Enemy

Dear Worst Enemy,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Once you mount a tiger, it is difficult to get off.

That’s some crazy tiger you’re riding! Don’t despair, though. Even tigers sleep once in a while. I have lied to her friends in the past, and sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately, I have bad news. The only way to get off the tiger is to come clean with your friend-that-could-become-more-than-a-friend.

Patient method: Let him know that you regret setting him up with his current girlfriend WITHOUT putting her down. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait a long time. If they break up, tell him your true feelings.

Brave method: Let him know your true feelings now. Do NOT mention how you feel about his current girlfriend. Warning: he may reject you. (Sorry!)

Miss Fortune Cookie
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Letter courtesy of Alamosa Books

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She hangs back

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My friend and I don’t agree on something. She likes this boy, but won’t talk to him. They, btw, are meant for each other.

I’ve come up with a hundred and one ways to get her to talk to him, but she won’t listen. She says that if it’s meant to be, *he* will approach *her*.

Eros
 

Dear Eros,

Tell your friend that Miss Fortune Cookie says: A man stands for a long time with his mouth open before a roast duck flies in.

It’s true that if they’re meant for each other, they’ll find each other … eventually. But she might be wrinkly by then. Give fate a hand. Invite them both to a party, maybe?

Miss Fortune Cookie
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Dad asks too many questions

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My dad is driving me crazy. Whenever I bring a boy over, he asks a ton of embarrassing questions. Can you do your own laundry? When was the last time you changed the oil in your car? What’s your gpa? How fast can you run a mile? And if he doesn’t like the answers, he says we can’t go out. What should I do to keep myself from strangling him?

Sneaking Around

Dear Sneaking Around,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: A girl with one chopstick will go hungry.

Think of you and your dad as a team. He’s looking out for you, making sure you don’t end up with a loser—a slob that will expect you to do his laundry.

Start a conversation with your dad about what to look for in a partner. And—if you don’t care about how fast your boyfriend can run—share your feelings on the matter.

Good luck!
Miss Fortune Cookie

tempted by revenge

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My best friend stole my boyfriend. Now she’s going to prom with him. Is it wrong to give her mono by drinking from her soda can at lunch?

Tempted

Dear Tempted,

Can you really give someone mono that way? I wish they taught us useful things like that in bio. Seriously though …

Confucius said: Before embarking on a path of revenge, first dig two graves.

Are you still friends with her? If so, tell her how you feel. If you are no longer friends, revenge won’t make anything better.

Miss Fortune Cookie