The winner!!!

Congratulations to Mary Catherine Miller for winning the Be an Advice Columnist for a Day contest. She’s a doctoral student at Ohio State University working in Literature for Children and Young Adults. Check out her excellent blog, Travels with Mary.

And read her pithy and fun advice below:

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

I’m not short, but my girlfriend is taller than me. My friends laugh about it. They call me stumpy and pat me on the head. I don’t want to go to school anymore. Should I just break up with her already?

Taller Than Average

Dear Taller than Average,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Long legs let the heron see more than the duck.

Don’t your friends know that the average height of a model is 5’11”? Tell them there’s no way you’re going to set them up with her friends if they keep patting you on the head.

Miss Fortune Cookie
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Love triangle

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie!

I’ve created a bit of a mess for myself. My best friend is a guy. I’m not. And I’m starting to wonder if best friends is enough. But then, being an idiot, I practically shoved him into the arms of his current girlfriend — a controlling wench if there ever was one. She’s not happy that he and I friends; she does everything she can to keep us apart. And he’s not happy either, but he doesn’t want to break up with her because he thinks that I think they should be together. Is that messed up or what!

My Own Worst Enemy

Dear Worst Enemy,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Once you mount a tiger, it is difficult to get off.

That’s some crazy tiger you’re riding! Don’t despair, though. Even tigers sleep once in a while. I have lied to her friends in the past, and sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately, I have bad news. The only way to get off the tiger is to come clean with your friend-that-could-become-more-than-a-friend.

Patient method: Let him know that you regret setting him up with his current girlfriend WITHOUT putting her down. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait a long time. If they break up, tell him your true feelings.

Brave method: Let him know your true feelings now. Do NOT mention how you feel about his current girlfriend. Warning: he may reject you. (Sorry!)

Miss Fortune Cookie
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Letter courtesy of Alamosa Books

Overly dependent friend

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

I have this talented friend who doesn’t believe in herself. She is smoking hot on cello, but won’t stay in orchestra unless I do. I would rather sign up for drama next year.

If the situation were reversed, she would stay in orchestra for me. We are going to be friends forever, so I don’t want to mess that up.

Co-dependent

Dear Co-dependent,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Just sign up for orchestra with her, and then drop out after the first two weeks. Bad joke

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery. Second bad joke.

Miss Fortune Cookie says: True friendship is as rare as twin lotuses on a single stalk.

Still, you should never martyr yourself for anyone. Honesty is the only foundation for a long-lasting friendship. An open conversation will make your friendship stronger.

Miss Fortune Cookie
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She hangs back

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My friend and I don’t agree on something. She likes this boy, but won’t talk to him. They, btw, are meant for each other.

I’ve come up with a hundred and one ways to get her to talk to him, but she won’t listen. She says that if it’s meant to be, *he* will approach *her*.

Eros
 

Dear Eros,

Tell your friend that Miss Fortune Cookie says: A man stands for a long time with his mouth open before a roast duck flies in.

It’s true that if they’re meant for each other, they’ll find each other … eventually. But she might be wrinkly by then. Give fate a hand. Invite them both to a party, maybe?

Miss Fortune Cookie
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