The winner!!!

Congratulations to Mary Catherine Miller for winning the Be an Advice Columnist for a Day contest. She’s a doctoral student at Ohio State University working in Literature for Children and Young Adults. Check out her excellent blog, Travels with Mary.

And read her pithy and fun advice below:

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

I’m not short, but my girlfriend is taller than me. My friends laugh about it. They call me stumpy and pat me on the head. I don’t want to go to school anymore. Should I just break up with her already?

Taller Than Average

Dear Taller than Average,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Long legs let the heron see more than the duck.

Don’t your friends know that the average height of a model is 5’11”? Tell them there’s no way you’re going to set them up with her friends if they keep patting you on the head.

Miss Fortune Cookie
angry girl avatar

Dad asks too many questions

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My dad is driving me crazy. Whenever I bring a boy over, he asks a ton of embarrassing questions. Can you do your own laundry? When was the last time you changed the oil in your car? What’s your gpa? How fast can you run a mile? And if he doesn’t like the answers, he says we can’t go out. What should I do to keep myself from strangling him?

Sneaking Around

Dear Sneaking Around,

Miss Fortune Cookie says: A girl with one chopstick will go hungry.

Think of you and your dad as a team. He’s looking out for you, making sure you don’t end up with a loser—a slob that will expect you to do his laundry.

Start a conversation with your dad about what to look for in a partner. And—if you don’t care about how fast your boyfriend can run—share your feelings on the matter.

Good luck!
Miss Fortune Cookie

an urgent question!

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

I can’t imagine life without my best friend! So we applied to all the same engineering programs at major universities!!

Now I’m scared because we just had a huge fight! I really, really want to go to Cal Tech!! It’s number four in engineering!!! She wants to go to Northwestern! But it’s only number fourteen! What should I do?

Natalie

Dear Natalie,

First of all, stop using so many exclamation points!!!!!!!!

Miss Fortune Cookie says: Always choose opportunity over friendship. Also, you should consider the weather. It snows at Northwestern. Would you really deny yourself sun and warmth for a friend?

Miss Fortune Cookie

meh

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

Did you know that fortune cookies are not Chinese?

Jillian

Dear Jillian,

Miss Fortune Cookie Says: If you travel on the road paved by your intelligence, you will not go far.

Interesting question. The answer is “yes.”  For further reading, visit my page a short history of the fortune cookie.

Miss Fortune Cookie

tempted by revenge

Dear Miss Fortune Cookie,

My best friend stole my boyfriend. Now she’s going to prom with him. Is it wrong to give her mono by drinking from her soda can at lunch?

Tempted

Dear Tempted,

Can you really give someone mono that way? I wish they taught us useful things like that in bio. Seriously though …

Confucius said: Before embarking on a path of revenge, first dig two graves.

Are you still friends with her? If so, tell her how you feel. If you are no longer friends, revenge won’t make anything better.

Miss Fortune Cookie